If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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