end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
