Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
