I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize