The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
