She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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