Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
