im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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