he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
