There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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