FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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