Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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