My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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