Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
