sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
