I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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