and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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