I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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