We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
