im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
