We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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