I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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