i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize