I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
