I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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