I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'