I need help removing her.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.