I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!