I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂