GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!