ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
