I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.