1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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