She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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