i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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