Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
