She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
