i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
