Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
