If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
