I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
