A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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