So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
