So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
