whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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