it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
