my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have