Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him