It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.