Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup