Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals