idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.