I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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