he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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