dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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