I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
