Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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