Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
