Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize