do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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