he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Randomize
