Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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