There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i came on her dog
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
