So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
