the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
