when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
