i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
