At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
