South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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