Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
