i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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