she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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