How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
