Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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