dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
