She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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