I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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