my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
