drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
